Mono Mono Memoires

In my practice of psychotherapy I'm learning the power of positive psychology.  I've had a notion that many times people forget to smile, especially when they are plagued with depression and/or anxiety.  A few years ago I went through a very painful event that changed my life.  The grief of loss was so profuse that I found myself forgetting to smile.  In response, I decided to take daily pictures of myself smiling.  I was leaning on the old adage of "fake it till you make it."  I certainly did not feel like smiling, but I would make the biggest, cheesiest smile and take a selfie.  It helped me remember that life is only dominated by sadness and grief if we allow it that power.  That statement is a relatively sound Christian thought, too.  God gives us joy in Him if we are born again.  Like Peter stepping out of the boat, we can sometimes lose sight of the joy of Christ when the tempests of life seems overwhelming.  Don't forget to...

Taking my sister's advice about shopping for the girls, Brandi and her mother went out on a shopping spree yesterday while I was at work.  I came home to a house full of pink and lavender.  Brandi loves thrift stores and consignment stores.  One thing that they discovered was that it's hard to find matching outfits from one of those type of stores.  We're not planning on dressing the girls alike all the time, from the looks of what they bought, we will seldom put them in matching outfits. While we don't have a small house, I'm suddenly feeling the need to expand our living space to accommodate all the outfits and baby stuff.  I've an idea of building two rooms off of the living room, one for the twins and a laundry room adjacent to it.  Our current laundry is downstairs in the basement.  Having it on the main living floor would help Brandi (and me, yes, I do laundry too) not have to go up and down stairs as much.

Monday was a big day.  We had our second appointment with the perinatologist.  While the initial visit took about 2 and 1/2 hours, this one too about 40 minutes.  They checked on both girls, took measurements, listened to heartbeats, and listened to the umbilical cords.  Both girls checked out just fine.  The doctor pronounced both to be in good health and growing at a good rate.  Brandi also checked out just fine.  We were elated.  To celebrate, we went about a five minute drive up the road to one of our favorite Indian restaurants, Bombay Palace.  Brandi said the girls really liked the Indian food because they were dancing around in her belly.  We had a good time.  About an hour later I was in the E.R. (No, not because of the yummy Indian food). Let me back-track just about 14 hours.... 3:00 am I woke up with a really bad pain behind my left shoulder blade.  I felt as though I had been impaled.  Brandi had to push me t...

I've always wanted Brandi to be able to stay home and work as she pleases with sign language interpreting.  She interprets for the Deaf that attend our church and it has been a dream of hers to be able to do so as a vocation instead of volunteer.  I can't say that I was quite prepared for the suddenness of her leaving work, but per doctor's suggestion Brandi filed for FMLA and ceased working.  She has stayed at home taking it easy, resting, and trying to eat 3,500 calories a day.  She said that she never thought she would ever come to a place in her life where she would be tired of eating, but she's arrived.  And feeling tired of eating, she's decreased the goal to 3,200 calories.  She's doing pretty good at it.  The thought of having twins, hospital bills, doctor bills, specialist bills, etc was daunting enough with two incomes, but now having just one was a bit overwhelming.  Amid the many prayers that we send to God about the girls, Brandi ha...

The advice in this post is not advice I'm giving to the reader.  Rather, it's advice that was shared with me and that I found helpful. We found out that our twins are mono-mono the day before my parents traveled to Maine from Tennessee to visit with my sister and her family.  I chose to wait to tell them about the diagnosis until their return hoping to spare them the concern should they google mono-mono twins.  I had not told my sister either.  Little did I know, but Brandi had already told my sister (who had googled it, too). I had been hesitant about telling mom and dad.  I didn't know how they would take the news.  As it turns out, my sister inadvertently prepared them and they took the news as well when I told them.  Dad asked me if I had told my two older kids.  G will be 15 years old next month.  He is super smart (145 IQ) and is in JROTC.  M just turned 12 years old.  She is super smart, too, and is one of the most caring...

April 9, 2019 So far so good.  I keep reading articles of mono-mono twins.  I've diverged from reading the most of the scary junk found by googling.  Instead, I've begun to read medical journals and research abstracts.  While the information that I'm getting may not be entirely what I want to hear, it is non-biased and without the emotional angst.  For this I'm grateful. One thing that I've found is that there are quite a few websites and social media that tend to promise support, but what I've found is that they are either outdated, inactive, or unresponsive.  One social media group reported to be very active.  I attempted to gain membership (it is a closed group), but I never heard from the moderator.  I even tried to message her, but only silence was returned. The lessons I'm learning... 1.  God is in control.  I know that throughout this pregnancy there is very little that I can do.  I try to keep Brandi positive.  ...

The appointment time with the perinatologist (SS) arrived.  Brandi and I drove to Nashville (a little over an hour away from our home).  I think that deep down we kept thinking that with the odds of having mono-mono twins being 1 in 10,000 or greater, there was slim chance that we would be diagnosed as such.  The higher resolution ultrasound that would be used would detect the thin membrane separating the two amniotic sacs.  Being a realist (code word for pessimist), and thinking about what DC had said, I wasn't holding my breath. The technician who did the ultrasound said to us, "So you're having mono-mono twins?" We explained our ignorance and that our Ob had referred us here for a routine twin pregnancy screening due to Brandi's age (I'll not say her advanced age).  The ultrasound did not reveal a membrane.  Instead it confirmed that we beat the odds and Brandi was carrying mono-mono twins.  Brandi began thinking about buying lotto tickets and hop...

On the Monday following the ultrasound, the reality of Brandi carrying twins, the thoughts of having twin daughters, and having to get two of everything began to weigh on my mind.  I talked with DC's nurse who told me how she carried twins and gave me some good encouragement.  She said that DC was not in, but would have him call me. The next day I received a call.  DC explained to me that they had not seen the dividing membrane between the two babies on their ultrasound.  They could have missed it and they wanted to schedule us for an appointment with a perinatologist for further examination.  It was at this time that I learned there were actually more types of twins that fraternal and identical.  I also learned about mono-mono twins.  DC did not confirm which type of twins Brandi was carrying, but gave me the "worst case scenario" so that I would prepare myself if this were the case.  After we finished the call I did the worst thing I could hav...

On January 24, 2019 we went for our first ultrasound.  The technician who did the scan reported one fetus.  After taking measurements, they believed the baby to be 9 weeks along.  Everything looked good.  A few weeks later we met with the ObGyn (DC) who did a scan of the heartbeat and reviewed the pictures from the ultrasound.  He noted that the picture of Brandi's uterus was tilted and was similar to what was seen in twin pregnancies.  Everything looked good.  It should be said that I have known DC for a number of years.  We had attended the same church, been on the same mission trips to Africa on several occasions and he had treated me for malaria among other tropical issues.  I had jokingly called him my PCP, which had gotten laughs from people when they learned that I had an ObGyn for my PCP. It's interesting, Brandi named our baby BunBun.  She said she couldn't name it Bun (Bun-in-the-oven) because there might be another one hidin...

Christmas Day, 2018 my wife gave me a small package to unwrap.  It was just the two of us.  The kids were with their mother this year for Christmas.  I unwrapped the gift to find a baby bottle with a positive pregnancy test inside.  It was her "message in a bottle" to me announcing our conception.  I was not too surprised since we had been attempting for a few months, but it was still surreal.  This was her first pregnancy.  We were both filled with joy at the shared news.  We decided to keep the news to ourselves until the first ultrasound knowing that things could happen.

When Brandi and I found out that we were having mono-mono twins I began to journal my thoughts and feelings.  This is a deeply personal journey. The dates and times of the posts are close to real-time.  I've tried to keep them in chronological order of events and recollections as they occur. There is enough sadness and heartbreaking stories out there.  While I'm very concerned about our twins, I'm trying to keep a Christ-centred, positive feeling to this writing.  I'll also add humor.  It helps to thwart the negatives. If you are reading these posts please refrain from commenting until permission is granted.  I hope that if you are walking in this journey, too, that you turn to God who is able to give comfort, grace, hope, and healing.  I am writing this blog during our pregnancy and don't claim to be a prognosticator of the outcome.  I place my hope in God, that He alone knows what will happen and that no matter the outcome, He will gain glor...