The advice in this post is not advice I'm giving to the reader. Rather, it's advice that was shared with me and that I found helpful.
We found out that our twins are mono-mono the day before my parents traveled to Maine from Tennessee to visit with my sister and her family. I chose to wait to tell them about the diagnosis until their return hoping to spare them the concern should they google mono-mono twins. I had not told my sister either. Little did I know, but Brandi had already told my sister (who had googled it, too).
I had been hesitant about telling mom and dad. I didn't know how they would take the news. As it turns out, my sister inadvertently prepared them and they took the news as well when I told them. Dad asked me if I had told my two older kids. G will be 15 years old next month. He is super smart (145 IQ) and is in JROTC. M just turned 12 years old. She is super smart, too, and is one of the most caring people I know, except to her older brother. In this respect, they're like most teenage siblings. They both live with Brandi and me on the weekends and with their mother during most of the week. M has wanted to be a big sister for a while and is very excited about the girls. G is a 15 year old American male... 'nough said. I have not wanted to worry the kids with the diagnosis, but Dad asked me if I had told them.
Advice 1: Tell the kids.
My first response had been to shield them from unnecessary worry by not telling them. They knew that this was a "special" pregnancy in that they are twins, but I don't think they knew much more than that. On the way to church I told them the basics of what it means for us to have mono-mono twins. I spared them the statistics and much of the sad stories from google, but talked to them about hope and how Brandi will be in the hospital for a while so the doctors can monitor the girls. Both kids took it well and asked very good questions. When they learned that Brandi will be having a C-Section, G asked if that meant that the girls would have outy belly buttons. Did I mention how super smart he is?
Advice 2: Don't hold back, enjoy the pregnancy.
The next piece of advice came from my sister. I called her to calm any fears that google may have caused. As we talked, I shared that one of my biggest frustrations has been our caring family and friends wanting to buy us stuff for the babies. I have asked them to just wait a bit fearing the worst might happen. I did not want to receive gifts only to return them should we lose the girls. My sister told me, why not let people give gifts if they want. Let Brandi enjoy the pregnancy as much as she can and that baby showers and grandparents buying gifts is a part of that journey that mothers-to-be cherish. It may add positive feelings for Brandi, too. I voiced my concern about returning gifts and she said, "Jared, you wouldn't have to return them. There are many people out there who would appreciate the gifts as a donation if you could not use them."
That spoke to me and changed my heart.
We found out that our twins are mono-mono the day before my parents traveled to Maine from Tennessee to visit with my sister and her family. I chose to wait to tell them about the diagnosis until their return hoping to spare them the concern should they google mono-mono twins. I had not told my sister either. Little did I know, but Brandi had already told my sister (who had googled it, too).
I had been hesitant about telling mom and dad. I didn't know how they would take the news. As it turns out, my sister inadvertently prepared them and they took the news as well when I told them. Dad asked me if I had told my two older kids. G will be 15 years old next month. He is super smart (145 IQ) and is in JROTC. M just turned 12 years old. She is super smart, too, and is one of the most caring people I know, except to her older brother. In this respect, they're like most teenage siblings. They both live with Brandi and me on the weekends and with their mother during most of the week. M has wanted to be a big sister for a while and is very excited about the girls. G is a 15 year old American male... 'nough said. I have not wanted to worry the kids with the diagnosis, but Dad asked me if I had told them.
Advice 1: Tell the kids.
My first response had been to shield them from unnecessary worry by not telling them. They knew that this was a "special" pregnancy in that they are twins, but I don't think they knew much more than that. On the way to church I told them the basics of what it means for us to have mono-mono twins. I spared them the statistics and much of the sad stories from google, but talked to them about hope and how Brandi will be in the hospital for a while so the doctors can monitor the girls. Both kids took it well and asked very good questions. When they learned that Brandi will be having a C-Section, G asked if that meant that the girls would have outy belly buttons. Did I mention how super smart he is?
Advice 2: Don't hold back, enjoy the pregnancy.
The next piece of advice came from my sister. I called her to calm any fears that google may have caused. As we talked, I shared that one of my biggest frustrations has been our caring family and friends wanting to buy us stuff for the babies. I have asked them to just wait a bit fearing the worst might happen. I did not want to receive gifts only to return them should we lose the girls. My sister told me, why not let people give gifts if they want. Let Brandi enjoy the pregnancy as much as she can and that baby showers and grandparents buying gifts is a part of that journey that mothers-to-be cherish. It may add positive feelings for Brandi, too. I voiced my concern about returning gifts and she said, "Jared, you wouldn't have to return them. There are many people out there who would appreciate the gifts as a donation if you could not use them."
That spoke to me and changed my heart.